If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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