Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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