Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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