I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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