hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
