You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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