you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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