Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
