My Higher Power is John Stamos
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love accidental penises.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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