i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
