For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
