Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
