That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
