i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
