i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
