If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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