i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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