They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
