when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
