the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were trust falling into bushes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
