You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
