All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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