we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
