He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
