dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
