I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
