A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
