My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
