Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
