Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
