you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
