Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
