how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
