So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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