Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
