Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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