I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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