wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
