1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
