he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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