Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
