Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
