I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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