don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
