I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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