I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
