he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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