Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
