Your tits are I can't wait for
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
