Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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