I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
