you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
