I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
