I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
