I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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