it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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