I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
